The divorce process especially in South- Asian culture is not always a straight forward and easy- going process. Having been through a divorce myself, it can be a very physically depleting and emotionally draining experience, especially if it’s done with bitterness. The emotional battles of dealing with difficulties and making civil agreements can be really challenging in my experience, especially where disagreements on assets, children, living arrangements arise and dealing with huge egos and cause significant delays.
Grieving immediately after divorce can be an incredibly challenging and painful process. It is important to allow yourself to feel and process your emotions in a healthy way so you can move forward with confidence after a divorce, it’s important to focus on rebuilding your life and take the time to heal and process your emotions. In my own experience receiving my divorce papers through the post on the day of my daughters first ever Eid. Making sure I received the papers and then getting a call afterwards to sarcastically wish me a ‘Happy Eid’ even so many years later, that day still makes me shed a tear. But in the long term it was the right decision for me personally, that I don’t regret even though it was a painful time.
Embracing Personal Growth
Embrace the opportunity for personal growth and self-discovery. Moreover, grieving after divorce may involve a rollercoaster of emotions. For instance, one day you may feel anger, while the next you may feel deep sadness and regret. Nonetheless, it is crucial to acknowledge and work through these emotions and over a certain period of time you are able to find closure and move on.
I had the opportunity to speak with Software Systems Engineer from West London, Kamran Lodhi who says that “ As a divorced single father of three children, his main focus is to focus and maintain his children’s stability at home and not letting the divorce process destabilise or disturb the children, because they become more of a priority, and you tend to deal with your own emotions after your own emotions go on the back burner when it comes to children”.
The Healing Process
During the healing process, which is differs from person to person, it is important to practice self-care and self-compassion. Sometimes it can take from six months to a number of years, all depending on the individual’s situation. Finding ways to nurture and take care of yourself can aid in the healing process. Furthermore, setting boundaries with your ex-spouse and creating a new routine can help in establishing a sense of normality. Taking active steps towards healing is crucial as this may involve seeking closure, forgiving yourself and your ex-partner.
Moving forward with a newfound sense of resilience and strength. Incorporating a variety of coping mechanisms, such as journaling, meditation, exercise, and spending time in nature, can aid in the healing process and promote emotional well-being. Healing and grieving after divorce is a complex and multifaceted process even if you’re the one to initiate the divorce proceedings. By allowing yourself to feel and process your emotions, seeking support, and engaging in self-care activities, you can navigate through this difficult time with grace and resilience. Remember, healing takes time, and it’s okay to seek help when needed.
Exploring New Identity and Opportunities
Divorce can be a catalyst for positive change. Consider new career paths or hobbies. Explore new relationships and social circles. Rediscover your independence and self-reliance and take on new challenges and experiences, Set goals and make plans for your long- term future. I spoke to a Forty- Two- Year -Old Divorced Muslim Lady who has been single for over three years Sara Ahmed from London tells me “ The most challenging part of a divorce is the sudden lack of communication, the anger and the intense need to get away”.
She also adds that she definitely has some regrets. “ If I could communicate better and take more responsibility of my actions the whole process would not have been as brutal as it was. I wish I had more patience and learned to listen better to the other side”.
As someone who has been through the divorce process, Sara says that any advice she would give to those going through a divorce would be to take things slowly and throw anger out of the window. Try to communicate better and see if anything can be done to rescue the situation. The grass is not greener on the other side. If you are in an abusive marriage, then by all means call it a day.
When asked if she was anymore happier she answered by saying “ This is a hard question to answer as happiness doesn’t just come from one aspect of someone’s life. Getting a divorce doesn’t mean you suddenly become happier. Life has ups and downs, and you have to face so many changes in your life which includes financial, health, family, friends, work, basic needs of food and accommodation, all play a part in building towards happiness”.
Embracing Self-Care
Prioritise self-care and well-being, both emotionally and physically. Try to take the time to practice mindfulness and self-compassion. It is also important to take care of your physical health through exercise and nutrition.
Building a Support System
Surround yourself with positive and supportive people and find people who you can lean on as friends and family for emotional support. You can consider seeking professional help through therapy or counselling, however creating a new routine and establishing a healthy daily routine where you focus on work, hobbies, and personal interests. It is important to find a balance between work, leisure, and self-care activities.
Moving On with Grace
Let go of resentment and bitterness, Forgiveness is key to moving forward Focus on the present and embrace new beginnings. Also do keep the Islamic morals and manners in mind, so you can get through the process by keeping Allah at the forefront of every action and dealing with your ex- partner. Kindness and being fair are very strong attributes which are strongly encouraged in Islam. Life after divorce is a journey of self-discovery and personal growth.
By embracing new opportunities, finding independence, prioritising self-care, building a support system, creating a new routine, and moving on with grace, you can navigate this transition with confidence and resilience. Remember that divorce is not the end of your story, but a new chapter waiting to be written.
By Tahira Khan
The adventurous spirit behind the pages of British Muslim magazine. As the Editor-in-Chief, Natasha leads with a passion for exploration and a pen dipped in wanderlust. With a keen eye for halal travel experiences and an insatiable curiosity for new experiences, she brings readers along on captivating journeys to far-flung destinations. Through her vibrant storytelling, Natasha invites readers on enriching adventures, where every experience is a window into the muslim world.
